What is Mediation?
Imagine two travelers who end up on opposite sides of a flooded river. One has the map, while the other has the food. One wants to quit and go home while the other wants to continue the journey. Each blames the other for being in this predicament. They try yelling at each other but the water is too noisy. They try throwing messages across the river but the water is too fast and the messages are carried away. Each person travels a path downriver until they reach a structure. It’s a bridge. The bridge allows the two travelers to finally connect and communicate.
A mediator is like a bridge – they are neutral and non-reactionary. They offer stability and support. They facilitate communication. They listen but do not take sides. They do not react or engage in the conflict. They assist disputing parties to focus on resolving the problem rather than attacking each other.
While many descriptions abound, I define mediation as the purposeful process of empowering individuals to resolve conflict through facilitated negotiation. By design, mediation includes several features:
- The process is confidential.
- Participation is voluntary.
- The mediator is a neutral third party who guides the process.
- The parties determine how and whether the conflict will be resolved.
How does mediation work?
First, the mediator meets separately with the disputing parties to conduct an intake. A thorough, confidential intake is important to understand the origin of the dispute, the interests of each party, and potential obstacles to resolution. The intake also assists the mediator to determine each party’s readiness and suitability for mediation.
Second, the parties then work in a joint session with the mediator to formulate the agenda, share interests, set objective criteria, develop creative options and assess proposals against the agreed upon criteria. A key aspect of mediation is to facilitate communication that is open, honest and respectful and to work toward a resolution that both parties support.
Mediated sessions generally last two hours. Many matters are resolved within one or two sessions.
Third, the mediator prepares a written report outlining the agreed upon resolution. Depending on the context, this report may be reviewed with lawyers and turned into a legally-binding document, such as a separation agreement or dissolution of a partnership. However, many parties simply chose to follow the agreement they have crafted in mediation.
Why does mediation work?
Mediation can work if both parties are committed to resolving their conflict fairly, open to creative solutions and flexible in their thinking. In short, mediation works because a solution is not imposed. Instead, the parties are empowered to negotiate the terms of the resolution agreement.