PREPARING FOR MEDIATION

Before mediation:

Here are some tips and resources to help you prepare for a successful mediation

• Self-check - Are you ready to make unemotional decisions focused on the future rather than the past? (https://www.mediate.com/are-you-really-ready-for-divorce-the-8-questions-you-need-to-ask/)

• Understanding conflict - Understand your own response to conflict (i.e. recognize fight, fright, freeze, fawn) and how to manage it (https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/trauma/fight-flight-freeze-how-to-recognize-it-and-what-to-do-when-it-happens/)

• Co-parenting: Shared parenting time and decision-making (https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/parent/mp-fdp/p5.html)

  • Focus on what’s in the best interest of your children

  • Think about concrete things you can do to support your children through the separation

  • Look at the world through children’s eyes

• Financial disclosure - Make time to organize important documents that may be necessary to exchange with your former partner/spouse. Your mediator will provide a comprehensive list but most common are: income tax returns & notices of assessment for the past three years, recent pay stubs, RRSP/investment documentation, mortgage/line of credit/credit card statements, bank statements. (https://stepstojustice.ca/questions/family-law/what-financial-statement-what-documents-do-i-have-give-my-partner/)

During the Mediation

• Come with an open mind. Be curious.

• Listen, listen, listen. Listen to understand what’s behind the other party’s position.

• Be creative! Be flexible. Come prepared with ideas/options to make things work.

• Look ahead - if you’re co-parenting, focus on the needs of your children. They will thank you for keeping them away from the conflict and for working cooperatively.

• Think big picture (don’t sweat the small stuff). Remember, by choosing mediation, you are: avoiding a costly, stressful, long, and expensive litigation/court process where someone else decides your fate.

• Be realistic. The aim is to come to an agreement both parties can “live with” rather than win or lose.